You posted a job opening for a CrunchBase Junior Analyst. I really really really want that job. No, seriously, I want it. But why should you hire me? Excellent question, glad I asked.
Let us start with a list:
- Omnipresence. There are rumors that I live on the internet. These rumors are true. I may have a physical body somewhere, doing God knows what, but for all intensive purposes, my spiritual presence is on the web. I might even consider transferring my collective consciousness over to the TechCrunch servers if you were to hire me.
- Cheap. I will take that job for peanuts. Honestly. If you guys (and gals) paid me just more than my unemployment, I would take it. Heck, I’d pay you a finder’s fee.
- Connectitude. I have worked for three of the companies on CrunchBase. That’s right, three!
- Knowledge. I know a thing or two. Or three.
- Name dropping. Michael Arrington. Sarah Lacy. Erick Schonfeld. Now I don’t personally know these people, but I can drop their names on command.
- Alpha(beta). I don’t take ‘beans’ from anyone. So those interns should be afraid. Very afraid. But only a few times a year. 90% of the time I’ll be their best friend.
So seriously, you should pick up your iPhones, G1s, Crackberrys and get to emailing me for a good time to interview (which is technically anytime, since I live on the internet). You can reach me at ed@edgutman.com
Many worded resume can be found here: PDF
Sincerely,
Ed “Hired” Gutman